Thursday, March 17, 2011
Interview with Real Parenting - Video & Transcript
Filed under: Baby Sleep, Toddler Sleep, Sleep Training
I had the chance to do a radio interview with Real Parenting (CFAX 1070AM) a while back. In the interview, I answer caller questions about sleep for their babies.
A nearly 9-month boy who has never slept through the night - he uses a soother or nurses if he wakes at night, but has not learned to settle himself back to sleep. Indeed, he's waking up more often now than his regular 2 times per night.
Children under 4 months of age have different sleep patterns from babies over 4 months of age. Some parents believe they have a good sleeper, one who only wakes a couple of times a night, but once the sleep cycles change, more night wakings will appear.
In this specific case, either a soother / cuddling or nursing are used to get the baby back to sleep, and likely also to get the baby to sleep at night. Both of these props support the sucking reflex - babies are born with a crying reflex and a sucking reflex. When baby is crying and you give them something to suck on, they often fall asleep. However, that can become a dependency. If they wake during the night, they need those props to fall back asleep.
The question is never "Why is my baby waking up at night?" the question is always "Why is my baby not going back to sleep?" Waking up is a very natural and normal part of the sleep process. Even when a child 'sleeps through the night', he wakes up... he just goes back to sleep.
What needs to change here is how the baby fall asleep at night. The baby needs to fall asleep without sucking either soother or via nursing. However, just changing bedtime sleep training is not enough - the rest of the night won't solve itself. It takes about 2 weeks to get that midnight - 5am stretch sorted out because that's the active sleep and that's when children get up, sometimes as often as every hour. The first part of sleep, the deep sleep, often solves itself.
Do you get a lot of people saying they've 'tried everything and nothing works', is it because they try everything that it doesn't work?
Usually, parents assume a method isn't working because they've not stuck with it for long enough. Parents often assume that 3 days is enough to change sleep associations. It does take a few weeks to get everything going.
Some children do change their sleep associations faster - rocking is a much easier sleep prop to eliminate than anything to do with sucking. A child's personality as well as a parent's consistency also play a role in how quickly sleep can improve.
A 10-month boy has been sleep trained with cry-it-out (CIO) methods, but is still waking 2 times a night. He's nursed back to sleep for those wakings and shares the bedroom with Mom & Dad.
Getting baby to the point where he can put himself to sleep is one step, but the night waking association is still to nurse back to sleep. My suggestion is for Dad to take over the night wakings and use a similar method to return baby to sleep. If Mom were to use the same method, a crying method with some checks perhaps, baby would get quite mad because he expects her to nurse him. Dad could also cuddle the baby a bit or stay with him.
In this case, in a one-bedroom apartment, it would also be better if Mom slept on the couch for a few nights so baby couldn't see Mom during the night and expect to be nursed.
Breastfeeding at night can be important to establishing a healthy milk supply in the early days. At what age should you begin cutting out night feedings?
It's normally around 6 months, if everything is going well and solids have been introduced, you can start to take out night feeds. If baby is under 6 months, you want to keep at least one feed in there. With lactation issues, you may keep a few more.
With sleep training, you can teach young babies how to fall asleep and to settle, while the goal at this point is not to get them to sleep through the night.
What do you do when your 2-year-old comes into your room and wants to play in the middle of the night?
It's best not to encourage this behaviour, because that can prolong the issue. If the child is coming in with certain toys, it's best to remove them before bedtime and let the child know they won't be coming out until morning.
However, if there is a large awake window at night, you need to look at the full picture. It could be that there is too much daytime sleep and the night sleep is being disrupted. I use sleep logs to see if this could be the case.
Sleep problems can persist past baby time. For example, with nighttime potty training, one parent has an issue with her son wanting to read books on the potty, instead of using the potty.
Kids can be very tuned into us and our responsiveness to put them on the potty when they're asked. They can use this as a stall tactic.
Normally I recommend potty training in stages. The first is daytime, then naptime, then bedtime. At nap time, if they are waking up with a dry diaper, you can start to remove that one. With my own kids, daytime and nighttime potty training were 6 months apart. Night training was at 2 1/2.
At night, you need to look at a child's behaviour at night. Are they squirming like they need to go or are they looking like they want to play? You can try, as I did, putting a potty in the bedroom so that they can go on their own, only asking you for assistance if they need it. Most children can usually get through the night, or just have a pee in the early morning hours.
Most potty training battles at night seem to appear early in the night if the child is put to sleep too early or if there is too much daytime sleep. In this case, they will not be tired enough and will repeatedly ask to use the potty.
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