Here are some quotes from parents on parenthood and how it changes everything.

Feel free to email me yours and I will add them. I have to say that even though I am in the childcare business and had lots of experience with children before having my own - a lot of what others have said pretty much mirrors my own thoughts and feelings when I was a new mum.

What the women had to say -

"What I get from other women is what I need, and that is help. I do not even have to ask other women for help, they just volunteer. What do I get from my husband? I get a sink full of dirty pots, a pile of dirty clothes and a child dressed for church in a football shirt"

" I really resent that he wants to take off for five hours to play golf on a Saturday, then he expects me to be oh-so-grateful because he watches the kids while I go to yoga for an hour"

"My husband said to me, what is the big deal in taking care of one baby - how hard can that be?"

"I was so tired that I actually tried to breastfeed Toms arm one night - (FYI - Tom is her husband"

"My husband had the unfortunate experience of telling me to nap when the baby naps - I told him, F*@# you, your at work. You take a nap."

"Why am I the only one in the house who knows where the dummy is, baby wipes and sippy cups are? Where the hell has he been living for the last three years?"

What the men had to say

" I feel like I'm having an affair with my best friend - I try to see him once a week after work before catching the usual train home. Dont tell my wife - if she finds out she will insist I come home an hour earlier instead"

"The baby is great and all, but when are things going to get back to normal around here? When will my wife stop the control freak stuff? When will she be nicer to be and remember that I exist? and tell me this: will I ever get a Saturday morning to myself again without being made to feel guilty?"

"I would stand over the cot and the first thought that would come into my head was - I had better go and make more money"

"What happened to the women I married - she has turned into a complete control freak"

"My wife wanted to do everything herself, one night she was trying to breastfeed our son and he was not latching on. He just kept screaming. I suggested that she give him a bottle of formula. It was as if I had told her to give the baby arsenic. The crying got so bad I just went and made him a bottle and fed it to him. Problem solved - NO. Then she started crying because she thought she was an awful mother, and the fact that I had been able to calm him down made it even worse."

"For three months she did not let me take Avery anywhere near the bathtub - then at month four she bit my head off because I did not know how to give her a bath."

"TGIF - that's a joke - thank God its Monday more like - I kiss my desk on a Monday morning".

Labels: Baby, mums, parents

I have recently started to leave my daughter (Kenya) who is one year old with a babysitter whilst I worked a few extra hours. The first few days were fine, but then Kenya started to anticipate my leaving with the arrival of the babysitter. As soon as she would see her - she would start to cry and cling to me - she would have big fat tears rolling down her face, I felt dreadful but I didn't have a choice, I have to go to work.

I knew what was coming next - her sleep (and mine) would start to be interrupted. Everybody wakes up through the night and we flip over, readjust our pillows and go back to sleep. For a baby/toddler who is going through changes (which can get over looked by us) this can start to have a negative effect on their sleep as they wake up and start to cry because they are starting to realize that they are not an extension of you - but they are a separate being AND more importantly where is my Mum?

So of course, a week in Kenya started to wake up and cry - back to getting up and staggering down the hall bleary eyed for me - in an attempt to quieten her down before waking up her 3 year old brother, with whom she shares a room. (She is also still doing this on the odd night and it has been several months - so it happens to me too (who works in this field - you are not alone! I do know how you feel).

Babies and toddlers don't wear watches and don't really have any time concept but they get a sense of security from predictability and they also associate our behavior with what comes next. As an example: when you get your coat on and wave bye-bye, they know that you are leaving, our actions become predictable - they don't want you to go and it can get to the point where they start to cry in anticipation. From a baby/toddlers perspective they don't know when you are going to come back or if you will and there are no visual cues for them to see or predict your return - initially they are waiting and on edge until they see you again which for a baby/toddler is hard as if you are out of sight - they don't know that you exist.

Separation anxiety can develop from as young as 6 months of age or when certain miles stones are met: crawling for instance - they crawl away and then realize you are not there and it can take a few months to subside - it can also come back again in toddler hood and then settle down again to disappear altogether.

Here are a few tips on how to handle it and what you can do to help your child understand the concept.

• Play peek a boo - disappearing and reappearing
  
• When you leave the room - use you voice so that they can still hear you
• Don't hang around when it is time to go showing emotions - look confident and reassuring.
• Hand your baby/toddler over to the caregiver - don't let the caregiver take the baby/toddler from you. This will show your child that you have confidence in their care provider.
• During the day spend extra time with your child if you can - given them reassurance and extra hugs and cuddles.
• If your baby/toddler starts to wake up in the night go in and use verbal reassurance, then start to pull back and do it from the doorway - then outside the door.
  
• Flip the monitors around so you can reassure them through the monitor.
• If you are going out for the evening make sure that you baby/toddler has seen the babysitter in your home or met them before. Its frightening for you baby to wake up and see a stranger peering down at them.
  

Although its hard - it wont last forever and everything will settle down eventually. Don't feel guilty as life is ever changing and sometimes things crop up that you cant help and were not expecting. Being prepared and being one step ahead will make the transition smoother for all of you -

Remember: If your baby/toddler has previously slept through the night and then starts to wake crying - this does not mean that your baby/toddler can no longer sleep through the night or that they have a sleep issue. Try and think about when it started and what was happening in your life around this time. Babies / toddlers can be very sensitive to their surrounding and I have know babies with parents who are moving house to be effected by sleep regression.

Labels: Baby, crying, sleep, toddler